Music is a very large influence on me. Not just listening to music, but even more so, playing. Since I was very little, my parents tried to expose me to music and get me involved with making music. The first real instrument I started to play was the violin. I have played it for probably at least 8 years, with a couple years break. As a result of starting this at a young age, it’s something I’m very used to and enjoy doing. More recently, though not by too much, I have been playing the piano in addition. Though I do more with violin, I put more time into piano as it can be more enjoyable and easier to sit down and practice. Music is really something I can turn too, and more than that, it’s something that I can challenge myself to get better at. One thing about me is that if I really enjoy something, I set myself to truly get better at it, and am constantly challenging myself to get better. Sometimes I can be a bit hard on myself and expect too much too quickly, but in general I tend to keep a good mindset about what I do. I can accept that I’m not the best, and may never be, but keep trying if I truly enjoy what I’m doing. I really would never want to give up music.

From my view, I don’t get very sad when I feel that I should. The death of someone is more of a moment when I simply think, “Oh, that’s not good,” instead of feeling real emotion. Seeing someone else’s sadness, or how they have been hurt, I feel a complete inability to empathize with them. I only feel real sadness when it has to do with my parents, or how I have directly hurt someone in a significant way. It hurts me to some extent, I feel a bit cold or dead inside. Generally, I simply get angry at small things that I should be able to look over. Even in the moment I realize how close minded my actions and emotions are, but I find it hard to just let go of that. Afterwords, when I reflect on what happened, I ask myself how I ever could have thought what I did, but I continue to do this. I calm down quickly by listening to music, playing a game I like, or just lying awake in bed.

I’m disappointing at how I have been doing in school this last semester and the amount of effort I have put it. I used to be a better student, not the best, but I got decent grades and was happy with them. Over this last month, when I go to do work, instead of finding the resolve to do important tasks first, I have only found a mentality of doing absolutely nothing. I just cannot muster the resolve to do what needs to be done. Even to me, the predicament is stupid and self inflicted. I should be able to just do it, why don’t I? I should just sit down and do what needs to be done, that simple. But I find that very hard unless my behavior will impact me in a larger than usual way, like a project, or having to present something.